Well, we decided to get another and I’ve been having a good old time acting all Suzy-homemaker. I’ve tried a couple recipes from scratch, and to my surprise, I successfully made white and wheat bread. Both totally edible. I’ve also made some different varieties from the packaged mixes I get through the produce co-op. I’ve made Irish soda bread, potato bread, cranberry bread, Bavarian pretzel dough, and today was rye.
Now before you get all impressed (because I know you are), the packages are nothing more than a 3-4 step process. Cut the bag open with scissors (or my teeth in this case because I couldn’t find any scissors), put wet and dry ingredients in, add yeast to the yeast holder thingy, set the machine to the size and crust darkness desired, then go polish my nails and read Cosmo until the machine beeps.
It takes about 4 hours from giddy-up to whoa. And I usually time it so it’s ready just a bit before hubby is due home. The house is filled with that fresh-bread aroma, I don my apron and put a little flour on my face and in my hair, for effect. He realizes I did nothing but open the plastic bag and pour, but it’s the dramatic presentation I’m going for. I whine a little about slaving all day so he can have fresh out-of-the-oven bread (I promise it’s charming) and he smiles and kisses me as though to say, “I love you no matter how stupid you think I am.”
Well, today, after the rye loaf was done, I sliced it nicely with full intent to make Pastrami Reubens for dinner. Now before all you corned beef fanatics chime in and tell me I’m doing it wrong, visit the Carnegie or Katz Deli and New York and tell them first. They serve their Reubens with corned beef OR pastrami. So there. Oh, and I’ll omit the sauerkraut because I think it’s nasty. Sue me. But instead of going to get said pastrami (and Russian dressing), I took a nap and we had leftovers.
But the rye bread was great and hubby and I will have Reubens this week sometime if I get off my butt and go grocery shopping. I may even re-enact Meg Ryan’s famous scene from When Harry Met Sally… you know the one… the “I’ll have what she’s having” scene. But for now, I’ll share some pictures of the fruits of my labor.
We have this cool slicer thing that catches most of the crumbs, and a better than average serrated bread knife (a necessity).
I also use these washable and reusable bread bags that close with velcro. They are made of a light canvas on the outside and lined with plastic that you can wash. Just roll up the end as you use the bread and close it up with the velcro, kind of like a tube of toothpaste. Another very small thing that hubby suggested we do to reduce our carbon footprint. (Doesn’t that sound so cool? I wish I knew what it meant.)
And for those of you that want to try this at home (no, really, it’s safe), here’s the package I used. Bob’s Red Mill Stone Ground Rye Bread Mix. Although I got it through the co-op, I know I’ve seen it at the local supermarkets, along with the other varieties.
As you can see, there’s no shame in my game. I’m proud to fake it! So get out there and fake it like me! And then report back in… I promise to be in awe of your mad faking baking skills. And so will Betty. Well, probably… Ok, I won’t commit to that. But I’ll give you a virtual high five and slap on the ass (just like the pros do it) and everyone here will be sworn to secrecy if you want them to be.
Oh, and if you are local and want to get in on the co-op (the prices are much better than the supermarket except you have to buy in case quantities) check out their website: Community Helpings Produce Co-op.
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The Produce Co-op
10/15/2009 • So many of you ask about the produce co-op that I coordinate so here's the 411. There are lots of groups in the St. Louis Metro area... mine is just a small fraction of the number of families participating but ... read more
Well, just like a prayer… answered… here’s the grand finale, Madonna’s Like a Prayer, in full, for your viewing pleasure. 
First of all, I’m testing a bit to see if this new microblog widget really works and if I like it. And second, 
My mouth is totally watering right now! I can’t believe that photo actually shows the steam rising from the freshly baked sliced bread! YUMMO!
@Kipp: It’s really yummy Kipp. I still haven’t gotten any pastrami though
If you ever want to try some of the mixes I have, just come on over and get some. Then you know what you like if you want to order some from the co-op. The extras list that I sent you really doesn’t change from week to week, so let me or Tracy know if you want anything and it’s delivered the last pick-up of the month.
And all this time I thought “fake bake” meant go to the tanning bed at Tan Co.
It’s impossibile to keep up with you.
“I love you no matter how stupid you know I am.”
@Roger: I guess it could mean that too… I’d have plenty of time to get there and back, even after I painted my toenails.
By the way, I just made an apple cobbler (cut open, pour, mix, bake… really difficult stuff.) It looks, well, a little freakish.
(iPhone pic)
You know, I was quite a speedy cook when I was a bachelor. I did a nice apple cobbler from time to time too.
Apple Cobbler
Ingredients:
1 can apple juice
1 package granola bars
powdered creamer
Directions:
Crumble granola bars into a small bowl and pour apple juice over it.
Microwave for 2 minutes or until well-heated.
Dust with powdered creamer
Yours looks pretty good too. If you want, I can spackel that crack closed when I get home.
Mmmmmm….. I LOVE bread. Especially hot. (Fun Fact: A long time ago, mothers used to let their children put sugar on their bread. Then they figured out that sugar makes kids wild, so they quit.)
Oh my gosh….I literally ‘cackled’ several times, reading through this post.(Which makes the rest of the house laugh.) So funny!! My facial muscles are tired now.
That bread looks GOOOOOD! That cutter would be great to have because it would help me slice straight!! I love TOAST with home made bread.
Never seen those cool bread bags, but we should find some! We have re-used regular (store bought) bread bags, for our home- made bread. That’s carbon-footprint reduction too, isn’t it? (I’m asking because I’m not sure what it means either. lol).
Roger, I’m seriously trying to figure out if you are kidding with that recipe? I can’t quite imagine how that would turn out. Sounds like maybe it might make you appreciate Teri’s apple cobbler all the more, though! (Even with the crack not spackled. lol)
I.LOVE.BREAD!
Thanks for the great post! Us carb addicts can especially appreciate it. I almost feel like getting all domestic myself now! But…it’s not hard to get the hubby to make some bread, so that’s usually the route I go. (Ok, it’s always the route I go. He’s just so good at it!). We don’t have a bread maker, so it calls for physical labor here. ; )
Laura, I am soooo not joking. Just to prove it, here are some of my other favorite classics:
After-Hours Trifle
Ingredients:
1 package M and M’s
1 granola bar
Half-and-half
cold coffee
Sweet ‘n’ Low
Directions:
Crumble the granola bar. In a deep bowl, preferably glass, layer half-and-half, granola crumbs and M and M’s.
Drizzle with coffee and dust with Sweet ‘n’ Low.
Tutti-Frutti Parfait
Ingredients:
1 package Lifesavers
1 chocolate bar
1/4 cup half-and-half
Directions:
Using a heavy implement such as a dictionary, smash the Lifesavers into small shards. Break chocolate bar into chunks. Combine Lifesaver shards and chocolate chunks in a coffee cup and pour half-and-half on top. Freeze until solid. For Tutti-Frutti Pops, insert a coffee stirrer into the parfait when semi-solid; continue freezing.
Faux Smartfood
Ingredients:
1 pkg. cheese doodles
1 pkg. microwave popcorn
Directions:
Prepare popcorn according to package directions; while it pops, use an empty coffee pot to smash the cheese doodles (still in the bag) into a fine, crumbly powder. Sprinkle over hot popcorn.
ROFLMAO, Roger!!! Seriously….I was just about on the floor! (And I did indeed choke on saliva, laughing!! I momentarily questioned if I should share that part or not. lol)
WELL!!…I do believe you now! Very….inventive!! Did you make those up? If so, you need to write a Bachelor Recipe book!! I think it would not only sell well, but make the top best-sellers!!
Come to think of it, maybe I would buy it! The After Hours Trifle and the Faux Smartfood actually sound pretty good!
@{A}: Note to self: stop putting sugar on the boys’ bread.
Can you tell these are from the sick mind of a man with access to a vending machine, a coffee pot, and forgot to pack a lunch?
I think of it as Urban Survival.
Disclaimer: For those of you who have not read the “About” page, there is a bit of humor that fuels the Eddy house. We can not be held responsible for health care bills related to stomach pumping if you try any of my recipes. That goes for vet bills too if you take a look at the nasty result and decide to feed it to the dog.
Yes Roger, I can tell you made do with what you had. You did alright, considering! You’re like the Les Stroud of Urban grounds! lol. Thank goodness you got married, to salvage your dietary habits. : )
Teri, I have a problem. You have been feeding me so well that I have obviously put on some weight.
I was walking by Jeff Jeff’s laptop in the shop who was playing MP3s. Right when I walked past the laptop, the music skipped. Now, I will be the first to admit that I don’t understand technology, but how does the laptop convert the downloaded song into a record, and where is the record player hiding in there? For what it’s worth, skips don’t even happen when we drive the forklift by him. That puts me in excess of 8000 pounds. Yikes!
I think we need some diet bread. Or maybe liposuction with an industrial shop vac.
@Roger: I’m making high-fiber diet bread right now. I swept up some sawdust and cedar shavings in the garage and used that instead of flour. There’s a nice woody scent in the kitchen.
Wow! this looks great. I really need to get out my bread tomorrow and get baking. I think I have the potato bread packages. We loved the 12 grain and whatever else I made. We love the buckwheat pancake mixes we get through the coop. I am going to try and get the pretzels this next round. I do think the next round of ordering is due next week. I will check on that. Another thing is that I do split items with others in the groups so that is always an option if people want to split. I am always up for different things.